The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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