So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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