just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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