wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
