ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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