I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
