I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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