He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
