Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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