So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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