my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
