Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
