Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
