I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
