So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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