I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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