Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
