i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
