She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
