Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
