im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
