Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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