Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
