Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
