How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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