Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize