Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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