those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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