just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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