Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
40s are totally the cure
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
