Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need a beard to bite.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
