i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
