I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
