There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
