Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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