my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
