if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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