I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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