I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I forget how to act sober
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
