It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
