He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
