It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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