When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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