You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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