I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
