I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
