Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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