Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
