just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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