Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could make wine with my vomit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
