I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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