He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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