I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
