you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
