I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
