Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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