i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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