...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
