you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
