her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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