yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
