Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
