And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
