Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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