I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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