I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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