It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
