I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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