@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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