I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
