i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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