Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We named our party play list daddy issues
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
40s are totally the cure
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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