I think scott just propositioned me for sex
smell my finger.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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