Nicole vs. Life
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
