honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
