He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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