Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
