If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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