i permit you to call me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
