There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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