I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
